Cleaning as Self Care

Sometimes things happen that are very stressful and upsetting and are so far out of your control and it can be very frustrating to have to have all these feelings about something and to not have any resolution to it. I can't do anything but that doesn't stop me from feeling like shit, shit that can't put my mind to any other tasks.

When a big societal disappointment makes you unable to focus then anything you might have done in that time that makes you a good force in the world doesn't happen. Fuck that!

This morning I spent some time rambling nonsense frustrations with Will and then I got the kitchen roll, duster and window cleaner, put on The Uncluded Hokey Fright and cleaned our bedroom window and table/books. I don't enjoy cleaning in general and I can't do much in one go because I get so worn out from it but as a distraction technique cleaning one small space works perfectly. I can clean and let my mind wander, I can wipe a window and cry at the same time (never underestimate the power of having a cry), I can use my nail to get right in the mouldy grooves of the frame and feel sad and angry while the dirt disappears and I can dust precious little items and sing along to songs that make me feel good.

The cleaning doesn't take any particular brain power, it's not something I can ruin but at the end I feel at least some satisfaction that I got something good done in the time I could have just been going over and over what was bothering me. It also gives my brain a break from going over and over the thing.
I felt better.

Then I did some reading, had some lunch, stood in our over-grown garden for a bit and now I'm at my desk, writing this before starting something that can count as work.

Gotta look after yourself so you can fight back, whatever that means for you.