Colourful and Precious ~ Shop Update

The newest things in my shop!




These patches were fun to make and I love them all together, it's so colourful. When I was making them I was imagining them being the little pop of colour on a denim jacket with other patches or as part of a super bright, decora outfit or even being turned into a necklace or something. It'd be easy to attach a pin to the back to wear it as a badge too.





I need to update more often, it's almost December but here's my Inktober zine! I'm just slow on the blog though, these have been in the shop for a while. These are such precious little handmade zines, as with most handmade stuff photos don't do them justice. They need to be held for maximum precious-ness. The pages are concertina fold made from a stuck together A3 print and the covers are entirely hand drawn and I cover each zine in stickers, inside and out. Each copy is totally one of a kind. I vlogged while I made these which is here if you're interested.



I did these little embroideries a while ago to try out a different type of edging for patches but didn't have any plan for them. They sat in my studio for a while and when I came across them again I thought they were actually quite sweet so I added pins to the back and now they're badges! They're backed with felt and have glue holding the two pieces of fabric together so they're pretty sturdy.



And some stickers. Just some cool dudes having some thoughts. I plan to make a lot more stickers, I love them. The only trouble is deciding what drawings people will want as stickers. I wish I could just print everything.



I made myself a patch too and wanted to take a selfie with it but had put it in the most awkward place. Forever bad at selfies.

A Coping Mechanism

Just a couple of photos from my studio recently. The picture above is painted on cardboard, I'm going to do more, it was really fun. And below are some patches I've been working on. Some of them in progress on the left and the finished pile on the right. I just need to get them photographed for the shop but the light has been baaaaaad today. Hopefully I can sort something out tomorrow.

I've been having a tough week but I look at my little pile of patches and feel proud of the work gone into it and how colourful it is. I hope they will make other people smile too.
To keep my spirits up this week I've been watching a lot of idol music videos on youtube, I recommend it as a coping mechanism.

October

It's weird posting a thing about October a week into November. Everything seems to move so fast now that I feel as though I'm supposed to have posted this during the end of October. I'm sure a lot of that feeling is made up by me though and what's left isn't something I agree with anyway. We can all post whatever we want, whenever we want. It can be cool how fast things come and go but also I like things to hang around for a long time and if I want to draw what happened in October I need October to finish before I start the drawing. So anyway, old person whinging to calm my self doubt aside here's some things from October.
The "it's too late" feelings definitely had an effect on this drawing and I'm not sure if I actually like it and even though it's Friday and days mean next to nothing to my routine, I'm certain it's Saturday and that's making me feel weird and I'm all thrown off balance but I needed to just do it anyway so here it is. Sometimes you get an idea and you have to do it or feel like a failure.
This is all coming out a bit negative but I'm just rambling because I'm doubting myself in various ways but am actually fine, I'm just so certain that it's Saturday.
Those tiny mushrooms were adorable.

clouds

Clouds are fucking magic. The whole sky is magic and unthinkable but clouds. Wow.

This time of year means I get sunsets through the window by my desk while I'm still there and I love it. Taking a photo of clouds feels mundane but also how can you not? I think they're the only real life thing that will often genuinely look like a painting. Like a huge, old oil painting you'd see in a gallery and wonder how they got the clouds so right.

I love looking at clouds and just becoming more and more amazed by them, the more I look the more magic they seem, the more unreal they are. I remember once when I was at nursery it started snowing and I was adamant that it wasn't snowing, there was just someone on the roof throwing some sort of snow like substance over the edge and that's what we were seeing through the window. If I look at clouds for long enough and carefully enough I feel the same, they can't be real.

I think this post is brought to you by hunger and day 27 of inktober, my brain is just mush filled cloud wonder but that's fine with me. In case you're wondering I'm not posting inktober here because it's already on my instagram and twitter and I'm planning to make a zine and probably put some of them on redbubble and that's already too many posts. You can find it if you want.

Maybe I'll turn this into a cloud blog. That'd be pretty cosy.

Alex Kane Meat Pandora

I'd seen the video for Spellbound by Siouxsie and the Banshees for the first time and I thought it was so cool I had to show it to Will. I love all the double exposure so much. After that, Happy House came on and I was all "oh my god why do I recognise this so much but not from this song. It must have been sampled on something I know better". Mindless Self Indulgence!



So we were listening to Bitches by Mindless Self Indulgence and Will suddenly remembers a front man with a latex outfit, black with yellow trim and wild bleached hair, we'd seen them live a few times by chance but he can't place them. I have no idea what he's talking about. Can't remember can't remember. He says one time at least was at Rock and Blues so I figure out what year we were there and he googles the line up and, shit, Antiproduct! Yes! I remember that band name, put it into youtube, watch the first video, "oh my god I totally remember them, his make up, her cool hair!" Don't know the song though, I guess only ever hearing someone live by accident a couple of times doesn't get the music in your head. Scroll scroll. Bungee jumping people die.



OH MY GOD I REMEMBER CHANTING ALONG TO THAT IN A CROWD! Then I remember that he was in a Pandora strip so I try to find it on google image but the comic or the photo I remember it being based on is nowhere to be found. I was hoping and hoping I still had all my old Pandora strips, I'd be so sad if I'd got rid of them and I was certain I'd had this particular one. She was one of my first loves, I'm not saying that the Pandora comics in Kerrang are a good role model to have but teen me was into it and sometimes you gotta take what you got. Anyway, too scared to check because I was pretty sure I'd thrown them out a while back we carried on down our youtube hole for a bit but before bed I had a quick look or I wouldn't have slept and I FOUND IT!

The Antiproduct Pandora strip! And a load of others I'd managed to keep over the years. I'm so glad I still have them. Maybe now this strip will come up if anyone else ever feels the need to google "alex kane meat pandora" on a Saturday night.

Painty, Hungry, Pigeons! ~ Shop Update

Shop update! Some things I made that you can buy! Wow!



These badges were a lot of fun, I did lots of painty messes and tiny drawings and then cut them up and stuck them together and made badges out of it. They're totally one off because of how I made them so if there's one you want, snap it up ^_^



Just a good factual message that is always accurate. The "too hungry for this" design is available on stickers and badges.
My biggest recent project, my new zine! It's called Coo-cootie Patooties and is all about how pigeons are awesome and beautiful and I love them and you should love them too. I also made stickers, hand cut ones of drawings from the zine and also these super fancy sparkly ones I had printed, I love them. I also offer the sparkly sticker as a badge. All your pigeon-y needs ^_^



I'm really pleased with how this zine turned out, I hope you like it too.

A Day Out

We don't get to spend a day out together very often but on this day we totally did. We went into the city and pottered about, I got some hair dye and lemon essential oil, apparently it's good for energy. We went to a second hand bookshop that we'd never been in (despite living here for 7 years now) and it smelled very much like book :) Will got some Swamp Thing comics with cool covers and I got a fairy print that was only 50p! We stopped for a drink and did some drawing and it was nice and relaxing.



It was a really windy day and on the way home I got this conker. It wasn't ready to come off the tree, the wind forced it's hand and I wish I'd taken a photo of it when I first found it. It was so pale with just a tiny bit of brown near the top. Look at how velvety it is at the top, so sweet ^_^ In this photo it already was much darker and now it's fully brown! Nature's magic, even when it gets battered by the wind and comes apart too early it still tries to grow.

Tank and My Beech Tree ~ This Week's Things

Tank is on his fourth day without pain medication and is still doing absolutely fine. I think it'll take me at least a week to calm down about it, I'm still paranoid there'll be something wrong with him but he is happy and bouncy and so happy to be back in the big cage, he's been so snuggly with everyone after being alone for a whole week :)

I've always had an interest in that good witchy shit but was put off trying to make a connection with it when I was younger because everything I read talked about needing a coven. It's been getting more popular lately and so I've been thinking about it again and with age I've realised I don't need to worry about how other people do things, I'm not interested in it in any sort of a religious way, I don't even care if what I'm looking at is completely fictional.



I got these books out of the library about witchcraft and magic, mostly for the pictures and I've been reading The Oxford Illustrated History of Witchcraft and Magic this week. It's not really about witchcraft so much as how other groups of people saw and dealt with witchcraft which is disappointing but does have some good illustrations in it that I think I'll use as reference for some of my inktober this year. I also have had a green man tree oracle that was gifted to me years ago and I was reading through it and turns out the beech tree we have at the end of the garden is a pretty nice tree to have because among other cosy things "slivers of beech wood and leaves were once carried as talismans to bring good luck and increase creative energy" so surely sitting under it and getting hit on the head with beech masts can only be good for me :) (I haven't read all the tree descriptions yet, I bet they're all good, trees are good). I've had the cards out and I'm thumbing through them every now and then and looking at my beech tree. I love cards, thumbing through trading cards is super relaxing too. I love the idea of having little objects to hold that are attached to particular thoughts or goals or general "have a calm down" feelings.



I finished my pigeon zine! I'm so proud of it and the stickers to go with it. I made a video showing it all off which is here and the listing is here :)

Other things this week: Some zines I ordered from Gemma Flack arrived and I'm so excited to read them, I love their work. We tried a sainsburys vegan chocolate bar, the crispy milk choc one, thumbs up from me plus it was cheap. I made a necklace with a lot of colourful plastic beads and a Snufkin charm and I also finished painting my spotty cardigan. I should wear it out and try taking some outfit photos, I don't think I've ever really done outfit photos? Good to try new things. The nintendo direct happened. I already very much wanted a switch but oh my gosh I want one even more, I do have a 2ds xl though so I'll just concentrate on all the games I haven't played that I can get on there! One day tho...

Hope you're doing alright. To end my week I'm going to make a crumble using some apples someone up the road was giving away for free ^_^

I Want To Go Outside

I don't know how long I've actually been in my house and whether it's any more than usual but I feel like I've been stuck in here for aaaaages and I really want to go outside. I mean, I definitely left the house yesterday to do food shopping and I don't know about you but the weekly food shop doesn't make me feel like I've done something outside. It makes me feel kinda grumpy.



I'm so tired so far this week. I think the worry about Tank has just caught up to me. He's doing good by the way. He's back in the big cage snuggling with the others and today is his last day of medicine so we're waiting to see if his leg is still fine off of pain medication, fingers crossed! I think that going outside would make me a lot less tired or at least tired in a physical way so I'd get actual rest from sleep rather than just waking up again feeling tired some more.
Anyway, this was a ramble about wanting to go outside that will end in the fact that I can't go outside yet because I'm waiting for the postman so here some photos from in my studio.



Isn't it funny how doing nothing to your face can look like it means something quite dramatic. Or maybe that's just my need to go outside showing.

Tank's Leg

I don't have any exciting things to share this week, it's been a bit of a weird, stressful one. On Tuesday afternoon at about 4pm we noticed Tank wasn't using his back foot at all. We luckily got him into the vet on the same day (despite some massive and varied fuck ups on behalf of the taxi there and back, well we didn't let the second taxi take us back. I don't want to talk about it but I'm very anxious about taxi's now, yay) and long story short he has to spend a week on his own in the little cage so he can't use his leg too much and he's on some pain medication and beyond that we have to wait and see.

The vet seemed really worried about him but he's doing much better than she thought he would. An hour after the first medicine he was using his leg and since Wednesday morning you wouldn't even know there had been anything wrong with him. Hopefully he'll still be using it fine once he's off the medicine and in a bigger space but we'll have to just wait for now. I feel so sorry for him, he mostly just sleeps all day but every now and then he'll look at you and get all excited because he thinks you're going to let him out and we can't and it breaks my heart. He must be all lonely and confused :( But it's what's best for him at the minute, if it is a fracture or something he'd be making it a lot worse if he was in with the others.

I moved downstairs to work so I could keep Tank company/keep an eye on him (we've been taking it in turns to sleep downstairs too because they're most active at night and we love him too much) and I'm almost done with my pigeon zine. I'm working on some stickers to go with it, I'm pretty excited about it. I'm making some sticker sets myself but I have plans for a fancy additional sticker that I'll be getting printed. Hopefully people will like it, I've been working really hard on it. (and I need money for vet bills (ﾟωﾟ；) heh heh... *wipes sweat from brow*)

I hope your week has been a lot less stressful and had more sleep in it but if not, we're still here right? Look at us, coping and stuff ^_^

Here's a little webcam video of me and Pixel.

Dots and Pigeons ~ This Week's Things

Last week I got Yoshitomo Nara, Nobody's Fool out of the library and it's such a beautiful book. I've been a fan of his work for a while and when I saw this book in the library I was unsure about whether to bring it home. It's huge and I had a 30 min walk but I couldn't leave it behind and I'm so glad I didn't. I'll be sad to give it back. But I will because stealing from the library is lame, I'm looking at you people who have stolen all the witchcraft books. Not very coven-ly of you (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

I started watching Comic Girls, which I just found out is also a four-panel manga so I'll have to look into that. It's about 4 high school girls that are living in a dorm together to draw manga and it's adorable. All the scenes about drawing are especially great and they're just trying to improve at something they really love. Sweetness.



I got fancy new laces for my new (to me) trainers and I've been painting dots on my cardigan. I sorted out all my clothes last week and decided this needed to be more colourful if it was getting kept. It's a slow process, knitted things are difficult to paint and take a long time to dry so I can't turn it over to do more dots until the next day but it's going to be very worth it.



Pigeons are very cool but some people seem to not know that so I'm making a zine about the fact that they're lovely. While googling some pigeon facts I wanted to check I got recommended a pigeon facts video by Commander Holly who I had not heard of before but am now kind of in love with. I love that pigeons led me to someone that also is into craft and games and all that good stuff.

It's september now. I like september, the city gets quiet again when schools go back, the weather has opportunity to be perfect, days aren't super short and cold yet but it starts to be a little autumnal. Looking forward to a cosy time and ramping up my roasted veg intake.

Kid Chameleon and Sylvia Plath ~ This Week's Things

Here are some things from my week ^_^



Because I started reading Sylvia Plath's journals, which is a mammoth book, my manga reading has slowed down a bit but this week I read volume 3 of That Wolf-Boy Is Mine by Yoko Nogiri and I'm really enjoying it. It's about a group of boys who are actually animals disguising themselves as humans and a girl that moves to their school and finds out their secret. I really like how it uses that japanese sneaky animal folklore, it's pretty cute.
As I mentioned I'm reading Sylvia Plath's journals. The version I have covers 1950 - 1962 and is edited by Karen V. Kukil and (even though I haven't read other versions) I'd recommend this because it's as true to the original as possible even including spelling mistakes and when she underlined or circled things. Overall it's interesting to read someone's journals but sometimes reading something decades old makes you sad about how slow change can be.



A couple of birthdays ago Will got me a Sega collections game for the ps3 and there are so many games on it I'd only really played the ones I already knew but I tried Kid Chameleon the other day and it's my new favourite game, the plot is you are a cool dude in a virtual reality game that's gone evil and you collect helmets and turn into samurai and knights and even a tank as you go through the levels. It's a lot of fun and even has an almost chibi look to it with your character being all cute and chunky but clearly also a cool dude.
Last night Will came home with two Sylvanian Families blind bags for me!!! I'd seen on their twitter that they'd released these new blind bags but didn't really think about actually ever having any (I have a weird mental block on buying things that we won't go into) but now I have two and they're SO ADORABLE. I have spent a lot of time squealing over Sylvanian Families in toy shops but have never actually owned any, or even held one and I'm so in love with how well made they are and how soft they are. It's a little too much to cope with. The squirrel's arms move and they hold. the. tambourine. !!!!!



This week I got back into painting. It was a while ago now that I did some little paintings and really loved it but then we had a heatwave and working at my desk with stodgy acrylic just wasn't fun anymore but it's cooled down again and the paint (and my head) is behaving much better so I'm back at it. I need a lot more practise, especially at how I want to line them but I'm really enjoying it.

Also: we watched The Boy because someone at Will's work told him a massive spoiler about it and honestly, knowing the spoiler made it much more fun to watch. I stretched my ear up to 6mm after sitting at 5mm for ages because I didn't have the tapers, it went so easily, best stretch ever. I bought a pair of red, platform Vans in the sale and I'm in love. I might stick things on the platform and will definitely be getting colourful laces ^_^

Hope you're having a good day <3 p="">

Painting and Collaging and Tiny Drawings

I made painty messes



and I did some tiny drawings



and it was relaxing and fun.



I made a collage in my diary



and I turned some pieces into ooak badges.

I love to make things, I love being able to use my hands and manipulate materials and then there's a thing that you can look at and hold and have feelings about. It's kind of magic.

Taking Myself On Dates

I've known for a long time that this would be good for me but for various pessimistic reasons I never did anything about it. Not anymore though! I have promised myself dates, I'm going to try and take myself on a date once a week. When we are relaxed and not trying really hard to think about work it opens our brains up to thoughts we wouldn't have otherwise had, these new thoughts and relaxed-ness makes us more creative. Also everyone deserves time off.
Another reason this will be good for me is that I don't leave the house very often and when I do it's very much to get something done. Food shopping, post office, I need a pen. I get out, do the thing, come home. When I'm going to go out I get anxious about it and take a lot of time making sure I'm actually ready to leave the house. While I'm out I'm super aware of myself and everyone around me and it feels horrible. Going outside more often will surely only help me with this.
So I'm taking myself on dates, it doesn't have to be anything special it just has to be not work and truly not work. Not like how I sit on the sofa in the evening feeling guilty that I'm not working and thinking about what work I'll do next and being tired because it's the end of the day. No work, no chores, just date. Once a week for a few hours or whatever. Some time to myself to tune out.
My first date with myself I decided to check out some charity shops I haven't visited in forever. I had some birthday money so I didn't have to risk finding things I couldn't afford and getting sad (something else I'm going to work on, I'll never enjoy shopping centres but I'm going to learn to enjoy wandering round interesting places without spending money) and I had a nice time. I even found some new clothes.

A pair of bright yellow joggers, they look cute with the hems rolled up and I'm going to try and add pockets. And a pink jumper. What I really need is cardigans but big jumpers are a weakness of mine. And then I had a wander round Loose's, a second hand, antique, collectable, jumble wonderland and I just by chance came across these copies of Deadline with Tank Girl on the cover and nearly cried. I couldn't believe it. I have no idea if these issues are important or rubbish but I don't care about such things. Tank Girl is so important to me and this is where she's from and it had never occurred to me to try and find any copies (how are magazines from so long ago still intact?! It always amazes me.) and here these were, just waiting for me! And if they aren't cool enough, one of them still has a fuckin' Booga trading card attached to the front!!!!!! I still can't quite believe it. There's a bit of mould round the edges but I reckon I'll be able to get the worst of it off.
Then I got some snacks and I sat cross legged on a bench with my bike leaned up next to me and I ate my snacks and it was awesome and I came home and my first date was a success. I already feel like it's working (and not just because I bought some cool stuff).

If you want to see me ramble some similar stuff and see the things I bought moving around that's in a weekly vlog video with some other bits and pieces here.

Sketchbook: Dec '17 - Aug '18

I filled up a sketchbook recently and I don't hate it! This is weird for me, I normally get half way through or just over and it starts to drag. I just want to get to the last page and start in a new, more lovely book. Sometimes it's because the drawings I've done aren't doing it for me and sometimes it turns out the book itself wasn't the right choice but I rarely get to the end of a sketchbook without wishing it was already over.
I always get to the end though, can't waste a sketchbook.



This sketchbook wasn't perfect (obviously, considering I don't have access to a "proper" art shop so I have limited choice and also a very small budget and what is perfect anyway?) I was worried that the pages being perforated would be a problem but oddly none of the perforated lines came loose but a few of the actual pages came off the binding. I think how the pages turned over the perforated sections was too harsh and the binding just got worked too much. The paper was fine, white and smooth which I love but sometimes I felt it was a bit smudgy when I was rubbing out. That might be to do with all the other variables though (type of rubber, pencils, pens, my greasy moisturiser hands, thanks eczema). It had a really solid hardback cover and opened nice and flat, I often worked on both sides of the pages and stuck lots of things in too. Overall it was a good book. If you're interested it's a Winsor and Newton Heavy Weight Case Bound Sketchbook, I used the A5 one.



These scans are some of my favourite drawings but there's a flip through video on my youtube if you'd like to see the whole thing. There are so many drawings and ideas in here that I'll be going back to to re-work into something more fancy or some sort of thing to hold in my hands (and maybe put in my shop). I always like remembering the time that the sketchbook spans and this book definitely got me through some stuff, it maybe isn't full of amazing art in itself but I can see how it got me to a new place creatively and I feel like I'm so much better off than when I started it. Although, I started it in the winter so let's hope it wasn't just seasonal affective disorder and I'm actually in a better place! (≧∇≦)

New Year (Birthday) Goals

Having a birthday got me thinking and it occurred to me that it's odd that with the new year comes resolutions and goals and reflection but with birthdays not so much. I mean, it's not really odd, everyone goes through the new year together so there's the companionship (or social pressure) of everyone making goals at the same time which probably helps a lot of people (and makes us hear about it) but I thought a birthday would be a good chance to reflect and focus and junk.




So my birthday goal this year is a good simple thing that I think will make my life better. I'm going to be more chill. It sounds stupid but it's not. I'm a stressed mess and I explain myself too much out of insecurity and I hold myself back in so many ways and I have a nice life and I'm letting it slide past while I think about what I need to do better or what I don't have and while I still want to work towards better things or new things I want to have actually done each day because that's all we've really got.




Everyone has problems and I don't think anyone should be comparing others or themselves in terms of better or worse for anything but I am really lucky. I'm lucky to have been born where I was, I'm lucky to be keeping a roof over my head, in the grand scheme of things I have a safe life and sometimes I feel like I've been wasting it. I just want to fully appreciate what I've got and enjoy it. I want to be more chill. I still want to get angry about injustices, I don't want to be detached from things that are actually important but sometimes things seem important and they don't need to be. I want to be happy and I want to save my energy for where it's needed, whatever that might be.



I want to just live and do whatever I want (in a not selfish way)(ok it's maybe a bit selfish but not like in a harms anyone else way). I care more about being true to myself than about what other people might think. I want to be more chill. This is my goal for my new year ^_^