sad and tired

I had a hard time last week. If you watch the vlog you can see me get progressively more worn down. I actually thought about keeping the vlog private but the combination of knowing not many people (maybe no one) will watch it and wanting to be open and honest I thought I may as well make it public. It doesn't have any deep, dark info about me, it's just not very fun to watch. I get in such conflicts with myself about only putting positive fun things out into the world but also believing that sharing and talking about tough stuff is really important.



I've just been super stressed, super tired and super trying to not just cave and do nothing. So I did manage to make myself a new purse which I painted, sewed and added lining to only half of because I want to see how various things hold up to maybe make some for work. I filmed me making this and sped it up time lapse style (is time lapse specific to photos? I dunno) and I'll put that video in here too. I also did do some drawings I like, especially this one which I like mostly because I added stickers.




Pixel update: he got wise to the meds being in the baby food and we ended up having to syringe it into his mouth again so that he'd at least get some of it but he totally learnt how to just hold it in front of his tongue and then wipe it all over Will. We had our 3rd vet visit and they added a new antibiotic and said we didn't need to bother with the anti-inflammatory seeing as that was most difficult to get him to eat. So he's now on two different antibiotics twice a day and we are at last successfully hiding them in cheesy cauliflower and broccoli baby food and squeezy cheese. Turns out he's a cheese fiend. He is actually getting full doses of medicine now which is good to know. He may or may not stop wheezing after this but at least we know now that he will have had a whole course. (Fingers crossed anyway, every time I go to give it to him I expect it to be the time he cottons on and doesn't want it anymore!) He had also put on 5 grams which is nothing for a rat of his age but it's better than him losing weight so I'm at least massively relieved by that.



It's a few days now since the last day in the vlog and I'm still stressed and tired but I'm feeling a bit better and I'm actively making plans and little actions to make myself feel better too. Writing stuff like this down always sounds so dramatic (and I feel like I say it over and over again way to often) and I'm not trying to be dramatic I just really am having a hard time with myself and I'm making an effort to fix it👍