lockdown again

we've had our second national lockdown announced, from thursday 5th november through to at least 2nd december we go back to basically stay at home, everything (mostly) closed.

I don't really know how to feel about it. i'm not going to try and fathom it in a science/government kind of a way, this is more of a self involved/how it'll effect just me kind of a way lol.

it shouldn't effect my work too much and i've basically been staying away from everything except the supermarket anyway, the number of times i've been into the city or to a shop that isn't classed as essential since march could maybe be counted on my fingers so i don't know why i feel weird about another lockdown. i never really left the other one.

maybe it's because earlier this year i had a really rough patch mentally and found being creative really hard in a really scary way and i'm just starting to feel better and i wasn't sure if that was lockdown related or just a coincidence and now here comes another one.

even though i'm a long time hermit i think i've realised that the little time i did spend out of the house was beneficial to my creative brain so after starting to feel like i could pop out here and there again, having that taken away so soon is a worry but overall i'm ok. Yes it's weird and a big deal but I'm not going to let it set me back.

I work in my house, i work online, i can still go out for walks and fresh air.

this year i've been learning to actually rest, i can continue really setting in these new habits.

Maybe i feel like i should be upset or worried but i'm actually ok with it?

I should allow myself to be weirded out by this weird thing but i don't want to use it as an excuse to not get on with stuff when i should just be putting in the effort

This was very self indulgent but i guess a blog that's basically a public diary/documenting my life is self indulgent all of the time anyway and i don't even think that's a bad thing, everyone should do it, i love seeing people's lives, autobiography kinda stops being pure self indulgence when you share it because then it makes connections with others and serves a purpose and what's wrong with being self indulgent anyway, so whatever.

lockdown thoughts so they aren't in my head anymore.

if there's anyone reading this I hope you're doing good ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ