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Wow, I didn't post anything here at all in december. I did do vlogmas in december though. Tbh I think making vlogs is why I don't post here so much, I don't have an interesting enough life to have things to say in a video and also here. But I will stubbornly cling to this blog because I love blogs, not the shiny, bland, "inspirational" ones (no offence) but the random person, diary type ones. I know what I mean.
I didn't really want to come here and just do another post about how I'm not posting and declare my grand plans for what I'll do here from now on (and then probably not manage it) but here we are.

2017 was a year of breakdowns. Like wow.
2018 I thought was a year of "whatever, this is just what life is" numbness but towards the end I realised 2018 was actually the year of "figuring stuff out". I don't know how I look from the outside but I basically started again and now I know what I want and I'm making little changes until I get there/trying to realise I'm already somewhere because you can't always be thinking about the next thing and not the now thing. Anyway, 2018 was thoughtful.
2019 will hopefully put 2018 thinking into action. I mean, I am here procrastinating instead of working but I feel like it's an acceptable one. I just got back from the vet and need a moment to re-adjust. This is better than scrolling through twitter without actually reading anything.

2019 is going to be more. I want to do more, make more, see more, more moremore more. I hold myself back and I'm not going to anymore.

I'm also going to pretend no one is reading this (which is almost true) and just do whatever I like with it whenever I like with it. I'm going to take that approach with everything actually. I think I know that my best will come out if I'm just totally free about it so I'm going to try really hard to not let thinking about *what other people might think* or wondering *if people who like my stuff will stop liking my stuff if it changes* stop me and just get on with it.
I'm not holding myself back anymore.

I need to figure out my website/blog/portfolio/shop/online whatever stuff. What do I need and how do I do it? So for now this blog is just a blog. I might share work things I might share personal things I might share nonsense things.
Not holding back.

Happy new year >.<