230720 thoughts

Lately I've been trying to have some sort of separation between "work" and "hobby". These things merge SO MUCH for me and I'm actually ok with that, I always wanted my work to be something I enjoy and sharing myself / my life is a massive part of my art practise so the line between the two is super blurry.

I've been having trouble with balance and thought having some sort of online *work* and *not work* would be good.

I'm not interested in being professional, I'm not interested in branding or having a particular style or aesthetic, I'm not interested in curating myself.

But I want to get to a more comfortable situation financially and that isn't happening yet so I clearly need to at least consider work in a different way than I have. I want my art to be easily found and I also want to be online just as a person, sharing thoughts and being a fan of things and tweeting my way through watching Buffy for the first time. I want to be doing both but I don't want one to clutter the other. I also don't want my art accounts to be stale and impersonal and just a list of things I've got for sale. I need to sell things and make money, it isn't what my art practise is.

I don't want to hold back on any of it so I've split them up while also allowing myself to post whatever I want wherever I want.

I have work: shop, youtube, instagram, twitter, patreon, tumblr

and then not work: twitter, tumblr, this blog, i even have a second youtube to use.

I've even taken the link for the blog off of my linktree. It's not that I want these things to be private, it's more for myself to have that line. And for now I really like it. I enjoy this blog being incredibly low pressure, I enjoy having two twitter accounts, one slightly more intentional and one just a mess lol, I recently started using tumblr and enjoy having one for art, almost like a portfolio that I post all art (images/videos/shop listings) to one place and will keep tidy and one that is just not that haha.

my two tumblrs💖

It feels good.

I'm trying to find a balance between living and working. My work is barely work, it's me, my art is me and I've been restricting myself so much thinking each day I need to earn money I "should be working" not "wasting time" that I've withered and am just doing nothing.

I sit at my desk because I should be working and I try so hard and I get nowhere.

I need to create art (not just because I need money but because it's an important part of my survival) and to create art I need to live and experience things and relax, let my brain see stuff and then let it tick over and have ideas, I also need to survive, make food, clean and other chores. I've been just sitting thinking so hard about what I need to be doing and just being incapable of doing it and I'm learning to just live and incorporate all of these things that are all equally important.

I'm trying to just let myself live.